I’m happy to share with you via my blog tonight, as we embark on the new year. Every excuse has been made as to why I haven’t been writing more consistently, and I’m reminded that:
Excuses are tools of incompetence which create monuments of nothingness. And, those who specialize in using them seldom accomplish anything else. Therefore, there will be no excuses. Many of you may be familiar with that adage. This 2013-14 school year has started well for the kids. Concerns with my children’s teachers are fading and they’ve shown a genuine interest in their academic, personal, and emotional development. Solid. Nile and Avery’s penchant for the performing arts -singing, dancing, and performing- are old news, although never without excitement. This year, Avery's 4th grade year, has been a bit different. Avery wanted to join the band. Immediately and naturally, a percussion instrument came to mind, with all of the banging he does around the house. The unused full set of drums (thanks to Christmas 2010) and his interacting with many drummers in his short life made percussion the obvious choice. In fact, he’s interacted with all kinds of musical artists. Though, I still thought it would be the drums. I didn’t have the chance to attend Back to School night with LaChan this fall, but when she apprised me of the evening and her conversations with teachers, she found out THIS brutha told the instrumental teacher he wanted to play the TROMBONE. THE TROMBONE?! Furreal?! Let me make this aside: autism and I have had an ongoing conversation for the last six and half years. My perceptions of autism have tried to persuade me from allowing Avery to experiment with new activities or have new experiences. And I hate to admit that my fear has been pretty persuasive sometimes; I’ve allowed it to convince me that less variety, less activity is better for Avery because an acute set of skills versus a broader and wider set of skills would be better for Avery in the long term. When I heard about his interest in the trombone, my hesitant thoughts said… Sooooo, you’re really gonna let him play the trombone? Avery is a small guy like you and the instrument is probably as tall as he is tall. His fine motor skills are not developed enough to facilitate his assembling the instrument, blowing strong enough, disassembling it, and putting it back in his case. Those are HUGE challenges for kids like Avery. Shoot, AVERY DOESN’T EVEN KEEP HIS ROOM OR HIS SCHOOL DESK CLEAN!! What makes you think that he can handle and play the trombone?! Autism’s voice – and my own insecurities – rang pretty loudly in my ears. I didn’t want my guy to be a target of those insecurities. I know, all too well, that kids with any form of physical, learning, and/or social difference are more at risk for bullying and other cruel behaviors by their peers and some adults. In mental health, we call this projection, or the act of assuming that one’s own insecurities and limitations (or other general assumptions) exist for someone else. I was TOTALLY projecting my insecurities on to my boy. Because let me tell you this, Avery had NO CONCERN about his ability to learn how to play the trombone. He’s confident and has a healthy level of self-esteem. I believe his exact words were, “I’m gonna rock at the trombone!” If only my confidence matched his. As counselors, our work with clients (in schools, community/clinical, rehabilitation, and/or career settings) is grounded in a strength-based perspective. That is, we work hard to use our clinical skills to remind and make clients aware of their strengths, even in the context of the challenges they confront. LaChan has always said, “We have to find a way to use his strengths to supplement his weaknesses”. But for me, this model is in direct opposition of the deficit perspective that is so prevalent for individuals – and their families – who live with any form of difference. I had to allow God to remind me of the passage that says, “In my weakness, God’s strength is made perfect.” Whatever challenges Avery faces are totally worthy of being absorbed by God’s PERFECT strength. Autism’s voice is present; I won’t and can’t deny that. Sometimes it reminds me of how awesome it is, and sometimes it reminds me of its limitations. Sometimes it catches me in a moment of hope, and sometimes it catches me in a moment of unbelief. Sometimes it reveals the possibilities, and sometimes it confounds me with its complexity. However, I won’t allow autism’s voice to be so loud that it overpowers my faith. Autism isn’t something that has to be overcome, remedied, dismissed, or ignored. It is our family’s gift that helps me to see my son for who is really is--how God sees him. Fearfully and wonderfully made! So I embrace my guy’s opportunities to explore and develop his artistic interests and abilities. I celebrate his trombone playing skills (although sometimes it sounds like a steamship), I admire his perseverance to overcome its inherent challenges, and I relish the look of satisfaction on his face after a full 30 minutes of ‘Hot Cross Buns’. I know there are people with stories that are very different than my family’s story with autism. But we are committed to living well with autism. Best wishes for an awesome 2014!!! -mike
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AuthorI'm Mike. If you have an interest in mental health, family functioning, and disability advocacy, this blog may be of interest to you. Archives
January 2016
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