I hope anyone reading this blog had an opportunity to enjoy the winter holidays and get some form of rest and relaxation. Our family celebrated Christmas with loved ones locally and brought in the New Year with dear friends in Pennsylvania. The woman actually was married on New Year’s Eve and children were invited to the celebration, which made it especially nice. But, you know, that there are some things that happened causing me to be reflective of fathering and parenting that are WAAAAY too good to not share with you.
In my blog entry on 11/3/12, entitled PDAs (http://mdhannon.weebly.com/2/post/2012/11/pdas-public-displays-of-affection-because-pubertys-definitely-arriving.html), I began sharing about my daughter’s advent into becoming a young lady and how I’ve been making sense of it. I wrote/shared pretty openly about how she and I have begun to talk about “who’s cute” and “weird behavior”. The thing is, the other evidence of puberty was pretty clear (little more attitude, outfits a little more sassy, and my favorite…the bras). But never had SHE shown us…well, me (not sure if she’s talked to mom about this stuff in any great detail…but it’s likely) any behavior that said to me: YES, I THINK THAT PERSON IS CUTE AND I WANT TO CONNECT WITH HIM (OR HER). Well, forget that now. At our friend’s wedding reception on NYE, Nile and I had danced together to a mid-tempo song (“All My Love” by Luther Vandross, party favorite by soul music lovers everywhere!). I want you to picture this…furreal. As we danced, I talked with her, saying “This is how you dance with someone who wants to dance with you”. We were doing the simple “Two-Step” about a body length apart, but holding hands. I remember saying something like: “And if the person wants to get to close and it feels weird or uncomfortable, just say very clearly, ‘Hey man, back on up. You’re too close’”. I felt good about it. We laughed as we danced. Then a slow song came on (can’t remember what it was). So, I pulled her just a bit closer to me and placed my one hand in the mid-part of her back and placed her other hand in mine and we slow-danced. Her other hand was on my back. It was another teaching/learning moment for the both of us. Our exchange this time was something like: Me: Now, this is how you slow dance with someone. I want you to keep your head up and not look at my feet, but follow my lead, based on where my feet go. Nile: Okay. Me: (as I’m highlighting the distance between our bodies) Don’t get ANY CLOSER THAN THIS when you are slow-dancing (we’re now just a little bit closer than our earlier two-step). And, you know the deal. If it gets weird, tell that fool to BACK UP! We laugh. The song ends and she retreats to grab some food and I find my wife. And, about 10 minutes later, I got my evidence. Someone directs my attention to the dance floor, and AS SURE AS I’M BLACK (and proud), I see my daughter and some handsome young middle school brutha SLOW DANCING WITH NILE!!! What the what?! Wait, what’s happening? No, WHAT JUST HAPPENED?! Thankfully, I didn't panic so much to make a scene or draw attention to myself. I knew the boy’s aunt and cousin (the bride) and clearly, I know members of his family really well so I don’t have questions about the kind of folks to whom he’s connected. And, more importantly, I JUST HAD this conversation with Ni and I didn't want to alarm or embarrass her. However, that WAS NOT a license to go practice. Or was it? Her distance was good. She clearly listened to me and heeded my instructions. So, as the night ended, some 20 minutes after they danced together (and it was only one song), I asked her about the guy. Me: So, that guy asked you to dance, huh? Nile: Yeah. Me: What did he say to you? Nile: He just came up to me and said, “Hey, do you want to dance?” It wasn’t rude or anything so I said yes. Me: Did it ever get…”weird”? Nile: Nope. It was fine. Me: Okay. Cool. PDA, my friends: Puberty’s Definitely Arrived. #prayforabrutha Wishing you a great weekend! -mike
4 Comments
Tish
1/5/2013 05:19:30 am
Although I freaked out when I saw the pic, there is a bright side (I always like to find bright sides in 'difficult situations')... You were there to experience her first dance with a boy AND u got the conversation in with her before it happened... THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING!
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Ebony K.
1/5/2013 05:45:41 am
This literally made me laugh out loud. I remember going through similar moments with my oldest. I think for the most part it was more "weird" for me than it was for him but making the most of those teachable moments benefited us all! He turned out to be a great kid.
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Monte
1/5/2013 09:26:26 am
Okay...I could say a lot (lol) but the bottom line is, it's great that you are helping Nile transition in a healthy way. I had to have this conversation with my oldest, and I wanted to make sure that she didn't feel "weird" about the process that ALL of us go through. I didn't talk about the dancing part with her so, I got some more work to do. Good job!
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Dad
1/8/2013 07:41:40 am
You do well, son, You know I would have broke that action up!
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AuthorI'm Mike. If you have an interest in mental health, family functioning, and disability advocacy, this blog may be of interest to you. Archives
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